What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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