Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
