Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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