It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
