Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
