Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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