the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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