I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
