holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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