I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need water and some morals
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
