You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize