I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
