I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
