This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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