I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Success! We fucked roommates!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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