just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
