I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
