I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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