I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
