I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
