He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Couch. On fire.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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