Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
