Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize