I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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