i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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