Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
