he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
