how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize