i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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