did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize