how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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