I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
