he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
