Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
