The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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