You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
