I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
