i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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