The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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