I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
