week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
