Don't you send me to vm
Your mouth is God's brothel.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
