So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
