dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
