i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
