I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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