I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
