You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
