I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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