is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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