You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
