I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
