Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
