R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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