she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
