PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
