Umm I'm too high to move.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
