my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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