conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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