Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
