I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
