At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
