She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
